


The Last Will and Testament of Sir Reginald Hargreeves

by Dog_Bearing_Gifts



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Humor, Inspired By Tumblr, Other, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Short, Wills, based on an ask I got, you know death couldn't stop Reggie from editing his will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 20:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dog_Bearing_Gifts/pseuds/Dog_Bearing_Gifts
Summary: Sir Reginald Hargreeves writes each of his children more or less out of his will. His reasons….probably won't shock you all that much. I mean, not even the afterlife could soften a hardass like him.





	The Last Will and Testament of Sir Reginald Hargreeves

**Author's Note:**

> Recently, I got an anonymous ask on Tumblr wondering what could lead Reginald to write each of his children out of his will. Somehow, I wound up with something far more humorous than the asker might have intended….

I, Sir Reginald Hargreeves, being of sound mind and seven disappointing children, do hereby inscribe my Last Will and Testament.

**Number One** has no need to be called by another name. As a result of his impudent insistence otherwise, he shall be permitted access to his trust fund once he apologizes for his wrongdoing. No hints toward this misdeed shall be offered. If he doesn’t know what he did, he should.

**Number Two **shall almost certainly become enraged at the barest suggestion that he accept financial assistance from his father. Therefore, he shall receive reminders of his trust fund no less than once per week. Those who deliver these reminders are recommended to wear full or partial riot gear in anticipation of his knives.

I am certain **Number Three **has acquired far more material means than she will ever have need for, and therefore shall have little need for her trust fund. However, as she is not using her powers as they were intended, she too is denied access, should she ever request it. Send a note in a few years reminding her of its existence.

<strike>**Number Four** shall not be granted any funding or anything remotely appearing as such. Should he cease poisoning himself, this decree may be reconsidered</strike>. Now that Number Four has at long last chosen to develop his powers further, whether or not he is provided access to his trust fund shall be contingent upon how speedily he informs one David Katz (among other deceased soldiers and veterans of the Vietnam War) that I am not to be trifled with and would prefer to set about my afterlife in relative peace.

**Number Five **did not possess the good sense to remain at the Academy where he belonged, and so he shall be henceforth disinherited. Should he ever return, he shall be informed of the location of a vault that is to contain neither money nor other forms of wealth, but merely a note that reads **_NO_**.

At the time of this writing, **Number Six** is deceased. However, as his early death turned four of his remaining siblings into selfish cowards willing to abandon the Academy for greener pastures, he too is hereby disinherited.

As the publication of her book has placed the others at potential risk, **Number Seven** is hereby barred access to the trust fund set up in her name. <strike>However, as the title _Extra Ordinary_ has brought me some amusement, she shall be granted a sum of not more than five (5) dollars with strict instructions not to spend it all in one place</strike>.

“Number Seven is not permitted to cause the apocalypse” is a stipulation so obvious some believe it need not be said. As she has chosen to flagrantly disregard it anyway, Number Seven’s inheritance of five (5) dollars is hereby rescinded.


End file.
